All the Man I Need
by Andrea Weiling
Summary: Heero comforts Duo, and tells him what he has wanted to say for a long time. But what will Duo do now, once Heero has gone on a suicide mission?


*All the Man I Need*  
  
[I used to cry myself to sleep at night]  
  
A picture of Duo on the bed and crying his heart out, but he doesn't let anyone hear, so   
he is quiet. But he doesn't know that even through all the precautions that he takes to not  
wake anyone else up during the night, he is constantly being watched by a pair of Prussian  
blue eyes that peek sadly through the crack in the door.  
  
[But that was all before he came]  
  
Heero sneaks in, and gently lays a hand on top of Duo's shaking form. Startled, the   
American's head jerks back in surprise, but they fill with tears when they see that it is   
only Heero. Gently the L1 pilot sets Duo's head onto his lap and rocks him back and forth.   
Unbidden, Duo's eyes began to blur with unshed tears, and soon his cries and sobs fill the  
tiny room.  
  
[I thought love had to hurt to turn out right]  
  
Memories of past relationships race through Duo's mind, making him cry harder. He   
clutches Heero's shirt, but is surprised when it's not a shove he gets in return, but   
Heero's arms tightening around him, holding him into a swift, close embrace. He clings   
harder, and rewarded by the Japanese's dark bass whispering in his ear.  
"I won't hurt you, Duo. Not now and not ever."  
  
[But now he's here  
It's not the same  
It's not the same]  
  
Duo looks back now, and realizes that Heero kept his promise, and all throughout their   
relationship he didn't deny Duo anything like his other relationships had. Well, maybe   
except for the occasional threatening danger of sugar overdose from candy, cookies and ice   
cream, but he even let me have some of that too, he thought with a smile. Who would've   
thought I could be hear today, with all the others, on a bleak day just waiting for the   
heavens above to break and let its sheets of rain come on down.  
I guess even Heero, the Perfect Soldier, isn't totally invincible.  
  
[He fills me up  
He gives me love  
More love than I've ever seen]  
  
Duo sits in a darkened room, blinds closed, looking through the belongings that suddenly   
belonged to him, and not to his passionate lover. Even the clothes were put into the   
bargain. He grabbed a faded but still clearly forest green tank top and put to his nose.   
The distinctive smell that was Heero drifted up to him, a mixture of sweetness and   
bitterness that clogged his throat, and he choked.   
  
It wasn't enough to choke back the tears of regret that their love hadn't been allowed to  
blossom into its height. It even barely saw the beginning.  
  
Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei at the door all hold back their own tears at this miserable   
sight, and Wufei gestures at the others to leave him to his own conclusions. They all   
follow him down the hall, furiously biting back their own tears until they got to their   
rooms.   
  
[He's all I got  
He's all I got in this world  
But he's all the man that I need]  
  
He was all I needed; the main pillar that held up that pitifully darkened sky that was my  
little world.  
  
And now he's gone.  
  
The tears only came down faster, over his cheeks and his hands, hands that still held the   
green item of clothing up to his face.  
  
[And in the morning when I kiss his eyes  
He takes me down and rocks me slow]  
  
Heero shakes Duo's shoulder gently, but the American just throws a pillow over his head   
and mumbles sleepily, "Jus' 5 more min'tes, Sister Helen...don' wanna go to school today..."  
He sleepily opens one amethyst eye into a tiny slit. Then he shuts it again, but smiles   
and sighs dreamily as the Japanese leans down, planting a small, fragile kiss on his lover's  
lips, savoring the taste of them. Duo lifts his arms up and encircles his love, forever   
content to be like this.  
  
[And in the evening when the moon is high  
He holds me close]  
  
Duo has been crying in his sleep again, but hands lock around his waist, and reels him in  
until his head is resting on Heero's chest. They both look out the window, and solemnly   
stare at the moon that hangs bright and perfectly round out of the window. Slowly the L2   
pilot's shoulder cease shaking, and they just gaze at the moon together in total peace.   
Heero runs his hand lazily through Duo's unbound hair, eliciting a small sigh of comfort   
from the heavenly being in his arms. And Duo's satisfied with his own Fallen Angel.  
  
[And won't let go  
He won't let go]  
  
There, that fateful night when Duo rested so peacefully in the arms of his beloved   
itooshi, there came the dark ominous beeping of the laptop by the bedside. Duo looked   
worriedly at it, and wondered it Heero would answer it. His question was answered as Heero  
gently detached himself from his koibito and padded over to the chair that held the laptop.  
He slipped the headphone notch over his ears, and played the message. After conferring   
long at the stand, he returned, and put his arm around Duo again.   
  
But this time, the hug didn't seem as loving.  
  
[He fills me up]  
  
Heero shrugs out of Duo's embrace, and painfully tries to ignore his koi's hurt   
expression. He gives in and pulls the 02 pilot back into his arms. Heero lovingly trails   
hot kisses down his placid lover's neck, and balances his weight carefully against his leg.  
Duo nuzzles his chest, making him gasp in ecstasy. "Koi", he says stopping for a moment.  
"What was that call about? You seem more distant and cold than usual, and I don't want you  
to worry, and just enjoy life for a while."  
  
The Japanese gives it time before answering. "Duo", he croaks, "a mission came up. I   
have to leave tomorrow."  
  
Duo's lips tremble, and his eyes are glassy with tears, but the don't fall. Instead, he  
cracks a weak smile, and says half-jokingly, "Well, just make sure you come back in one   
piece, cuz I'll be waiting." Heero gives a smile too, but Duo notes it didn't quite reach   
his eyes. He doesn't like his koi being so secretive. "What's it about?"  
  
Heero stiffens, then after realizing that Duo would have noticed it, immediately fell lax  
in his arms.  
  
[He gives me love  
More love than I've ever seen]  
  
"I need to infiltrate this tiny hideout of these people who are planning to overthrow the  
Preventers agency to make sure that nothing stands in their way. I guess it's a dangerous  
mission."  
  
Duo's only reply was to hold Heero even closer, and even tighter. He holds back the   
tears, telling himself that now was not the time to make such a fuss when Heero hadn't even  
left yet. "Well", he says, voice cracking like radio static, "Just make sure you come back   
in one piece!" Heero was pushed out the way suddenly as Duo burst into torrents of tears   
that splattered on the wooden vinyl floor, and the door slammed behind the crying boy as he  
raced from the room, from his love.  
  
[He's all I got  
He's all I got in this world  
But he's all the man that I need]  
  
Heero packs up, and then gently lays something on the pillow. Duo had been out the whole  
day, not even stopping by to say goodbye. He holds back his own tears, knowing it was close   
to infinity that he would get out of this one alive. The only thing he regretted was the   
fact that he would never again be able to see his itooshi, his beloved one, the one who had  
brought him to life, showed what it was to live and to be loved, and the bond that was not   
just currently or in the past, but forever.  
  
He is about to lay the tiny golden cross down on the pristine white pillow when he   
suddenly stops and lifts it to his mouth, and he kisses it gently. Then he sweeps out of   
the room, into the darkness that lies ahead, in which he would never escape.  
  
[He fills me up  
He gives me love  
More love than I've ever seen]  
  
Duo stumbled blindly into the room, eyes searching every corner of his humble abode in   
one sweep of violet eyes, probing. He half-crawled, half-walked to the bedside, as if he   
couldn't believe his eyes. He pulled open the drawers, and unseeingly groped for the   
clothes that were supposedly in there. His seeking hands hit nothing but the hard wood at   
the bottom of the drawer, bringing tears to soak through his shirt. He fell back onto the   
bed, shuddering as he pulled the blankets around his shivering form. It wasn't cold, yet he  
felt as if the cold north wind had blown across his heart, leaving nothing but ice in its   
wake. He could feel it even the next day before Quatre broke the news to him, before he   
drifted into a dreamless sleep, the little golden cross clutched tightly in his hand, dreams  
all of his beautiful, his forever koi.  
  
Heero, where are you? I need you.  
  
[He's all I got  
He's all I got in this world  
But he's all the man that I need]  
  
The rest of the night was spent in complete darkness, and Duo remembered little of the   
next day. All of it that he actually remembered was that the blonde headed Quatre had   
brought tea and breakfast into his room, already knowing. Everyone had known, and none   
could deny it. Not even Duo, who wanted more than anyone else for his love to come back, to  
tell him that he had kept his promise to come back in one piece, and be Duo's forever, in   
his warm arms, just like that, till the end of their days...  
  
[He fills me up]  
  
Duo stopped in front of the tombstone, an angel with broken wings. He stared up at the   
sky, daring for it to pitter down its bought of rain. He reached into the pouch at his   
side, and drew he gun into his fingers, Hefting it, he turned it over and over in his hands,  
a used machine by his only koibito that would never come back. Duo pointed it to his head   
and said, "Heero-kun, I've completed my mission. Your death has been avenged, and all the   
wrongdoers have paid the consequences with their lives. But I still find that I cannot live  
without you. My love for you is too strong, too precious. I cannot bring myself to let it   
go. So I will join you, peacefully, with no regrets, into death."  
  
The shot rang out like the clamor of a million church bells at once in the small   
graveyard. The angel, fallen from the sky, had blood upon its feet.  
  
[He gives me love  
More love than I've ever seen]  
  
"Heero!" Duo called insistently. "Gotcha!" He flattened Heero's hair and leapfrogged   
over him. Heero frowned, but he couldn't suppress a tiny smile from springing to his lips   
at the sight of his love. He had kept his promise, to both himself and to each other, the   
promise that they would be together forever. Duo smuggled into Heero's arms, and sighed   
happily. "Aishiteru, Heero. I'm yours forever, and that love you give me practically   
overflows my heart. I want you to be here forever. Just here in your arms is all I want."  
  
[He's all I got  
He's all I got in this world  
But he's all the man that I need]  
  
Heero's smile turned wider. "I do too, koibito. I do too. You're everything I need,   
and everything that will ever actually matter to me. Just stay here with me and I'm happy   
as well."  
  
"Aishiteru, Heero. Even death cannot part us 2 lovers."  
  
"Hai. Aishiteru, Duo. Always and forever, I will love you."  
  
  
  



End file.
